Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
