Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
