You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
