I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
