i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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