4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill