I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.