I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
