girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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