I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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