BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
