you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
