My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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