Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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