so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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