I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
