dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
