The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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