grandma shit on top of the toilet
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
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The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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