no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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