I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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