theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
