my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
