Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
