So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
