I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
