Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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