Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
