You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
