There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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