Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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