I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
