It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
