There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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