Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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