laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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