Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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