i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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