Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
