god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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