he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
