I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
