the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
