I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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