why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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