he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
