Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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