I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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