This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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