You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
