I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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