If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
