Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
