They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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