this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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