Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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