when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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