I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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