i think my mom watched the whole time
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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