i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This house was built for laser tag.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
