lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
