Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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