Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
