I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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