So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
