ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
