Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
