i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think my fart just growled at me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
